From My Eyes

I struggled to fathom the words that would explain my mixed emotions.

When I came upon them they poured out of my mouth in a jumbled mess.

A sad excuse for an explanation of a love gone wrong.

I spoke with a tremble of uncertainty as my introverted thoughts feared misinterpretation and judgment, “I am no longer, inspired, by her… My love has become far less than often”.

As my mind attempted to be less vague, Mila stopped me.

In her quite Australian accent she intruded,

“As soon as those words came out of your mouth,

I saw relief pour from your eyes.”

Shocked I went quiet.

I am not one to believe these things are visible.

I’ve laughed in the face of energies, souls, and spirits.

Relief can’t pour from my eyes but I believed in what she saw.

An ocean of pain leaving my body.

The weeks, months, countless hours of unhappiness.

Mistook, confused, distraught.

I had been truly fighting to hold back the waves that were crashing on the back of my eyes the moment the sentence I had constructed hit the cold air.

It was this moment that I realized, it was time to let go.

The feelings in my head were lost in the sea of my mind.

Only when being forced to conjure them into understandable thoughts did I realize how I really felt. Out of love.

D.R.